I love getting comments from people about my blog. They tell me how they get lost in my writing, making them feel like they want to explore and that’s why I do it. But I wanted to write something more personal this week, to help connect with my readers and hopefully help others through a difficult time or break up. And since it’s International Women’s Day, I thought it would be a good idea to talk about it.
For me, my break up only made me stronger. Being in a relationship with someone from the age of 17 to 22 is a massive part of your life where you grow up the most. You leave school, pass your driving test, get your first proper job and all that jazz. You find out who you are and what you want to achieve and sadly, sometimes it just doesn’t work out because you have different ambitions or interests, and that’s ok. I had to make a decision that was hard, but made me feel happier, because I kept telling and teaching myself the below steps. The most important part is for you to love yourself, and learn what you deserve.
- Talk about it. Express your feelings to a friend or even write them down. If you let your thoughts build up in your head it’s only going to make the situation worse. I’ve always worked by putting things on paper or being open and honest with someone. That’s how you solve the problem, not dwell on it.
- Accept. Accept that this is happening, this is the way you feel. It’s ok to be hurt, broken, tired, etc. Call a feeling what it is. Accept it. Own it. Owning your feelings doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in them.
- Keep busy. This will distract your thoughts from contacting your ex. Spend time with friends, go out for food, always make sure you have something productive to do.
- Know your worth. You are enough, and you deserve the right person. So if someone is making you unhappy and you chose to stay with them because it’s comfortable or you’re scared of having to move on, then you’re an idiot. If you don’t do what makes you happy, the only person that’s gonna suffer the consequences is you. And you deserve someone that’s going to make you happy. Whether that’s in 2 weeks or 2 years time.
- Book a holiday. Well of course I would say this. But honestly just do it, book or plan something you can look forward to. Counting down the days to a holiday or event keeps me motivated. It’s all about focusing on the future.
- Keep it on the low down. Going through a break up is between two people, if you make it common knowledge straight away it’s going to hurt more as other people get involved and throw their opinions in the mix. It makes you question your actions. Don’t let anyone question why you have done something in your life. Trust your gut feeling. No one else has been in the same relationship as you, so 99% of the time your gut feeling is right.
- Hit the gym. The gym is time consuming, keeping you busy and distracting your thoughts from things you shouldn’t be thinking about. You will get more out of going to the gym than slouching on the sofa with a bottle of wine. Not only are you working on your body, but exercise releases endorphins, improving your mental wellbeing. Plus you will feel fab from losing a bit of weight!
- Space. Don’t hurt yourself by seeing each other the next day, or week. This turns into mind games. You need to give yourself space and time to get over what has happened. I also believe in the quote that if you let something go and it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t then it never was. Space tells all.
- ‘The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else’ – This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. Going on the rebound as soon as you have broken up with someone is disrespectful to your ex and yourself. You need to boss this break up, hold your head high and not settle for whoever might be around the corner just because you feel lonely. You need to spend time working on yourself. You need to love yourself before the right person can love you.
- Time. Is a great healer. And no matter what the situation is, a painful or difficult one will seem less bad as time passes. You will find yourself amongst a break up and know who you want to be, what you want and what you don’t want in life. It’s not going to happen tomorrow or straight away, you just learn as time goes by.
As always, thanks for reading! x